Lucky

Everyone I know says I'm the luckiest guy they've ever met.

They only say this because how can someone have so many crazy, messed-up things happen to them and live to tell about it?

Today started like every other day: with my nose stopped up. I blew it, only to have it begin bleeding for about ten minutes. I checked off the first box on my list.

While eating breakfast, a Cheerio got lodged in my throat. After coughing it up and regaining my breath, I checked off the second box.

When I got to work, I poured myself a cup of coffee. I watched out for Toby, but he came from behind me and knocked into my arm. The piping hot brew splashed all over my left arm. After holding my arm under cool water for fifteen minutes and changing into the spare shirt I had brought, I checked off the third box.

When all of this first started, I picked up a smoking habit to ease the stress. Now that I wasn't stressed by it anymore, I kept smoking just to keep tradition.

On today's smoke break, Toby knocked into my elbow again, causing me to light my left sleeve on fire. After putting it out and changing into my second spare shirt, I checked off the fourth box.

The end of the day finally came, and it was time to draw straws to take out the trash. This was another tradition that seemed pointless, as I always drew the short straw. The most entertaining part of all this was the amount in the pot increasing, based on how long that would keep happening.

I drew the short straw, and Toby swore. He continuously bet that the streak would end the following day. How he isn't broke by now, I will never know. I checked the fifth box.

The rest of the office followed me outside, with me carrying the four trash bags. I've gotten used to the attention, and though at one time it made me feel like a zoo animal, now it just encouraged me to play my part.

It's sometimes very nice to be the puppeteer playing the puppet, while the real puppets are just waiting for your movement.

"Oh darn," I said placidly, as two of the bags I was carrying snagged on the same nail they snagged on every day and tore, spilling their contents on the ground.

Looking around, I saw Toby grinning as bills were slapped into his hand. I snorted. This bet must have just begun, though it explained how Toby was not yet broke.

I bent down and shoved as much of the refuse as I could into the remaining two bags, and ended up getting sunscreen on my trousers. I breathed a small sigh of relief that this had happened at the end of the day, since I had opted to leave a spare set of trousers at home in lieu of the second shirt.

I stood up and gingerly hauled the bags the rest of the way to the dumpster. One bag went easily in. The other, like clockwork, split open while right above my head.

I watched, frozen, as paper, bottles of water, and pencil shavings from the sharpener came tumbling out. I blinked to block anything from getting in my eyes, but too late remembered that the eyes were supposed to stay shut in the middle of the blink to avoid the temporary blindness caused by tiny bits of wood.

Miraculously, and to even my surprise, I managed to keep all the pencil's remains on every bit of my face except the eyes. After blowing my nose and again stopping the bleeding, I checked off the sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth boxes.

"Wait, what happened to the last one?" asked Toby. "You're supposed to check off all ten boxes by the end of the day, and five of them in the last five minutes."

I shrugged. "Somehow I managed to not blind myself today. Maybe tomorrow." I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Bad luck for you, though. You really should have brought a spare shirt."

And I walked away, whistling to myself as Toby attempted to wipe off the filth I had wiped on his sleeve.

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This whole prompt made me think of those commercials with people failing epically to pour milk into cereal, put dishes away, and tie their shoes.

Thanks to Kelsey, Jennifer, Sam, Johnny, Alicia, Jen, Denise, Chuck, Susan, Jessie, Charles, and Dominic for their input into this week's post. I hope you are better at these tasks than my protagonist.

For next week, give an example of a subject you wish you had the opportunity to take in school. Leave your submissions in the comments section below, and don't forget to subscribe!